The Hand That Rocks The Cradle

*2020 Update*
When I started this project, Jaden was 3-4 years old and now he's 13 and still the most awesome kid I could have ever hoped for! I love him to the moon and back.




People ask how was I able to complete this project while parenting a toddler. For years, Josh and I worked one hour away in SF which meant Jaden also went to preschool/daycare in SF because he needed to be dropped off/picked up in the normal preschool time-frame of 8am-6pm.


Starting the end of 2009, I was able to work every other week from home so I suddenly had all that day time to myself. I sang and edited from the time they left early in the morning until 7pm when they got back home. And then I would take the Musician Hat off and put the Mom Hat back on to make dinner and hang out with the fam. I also did all my "work from home" tasks at night. This is why I was able to accurately add up the amount of time I spent on this project. Exactly ten hours a day, five days a week, every other week. 1300 hours.


Unfortunately, I've never had that much time for music again.

This is why I haven't put out anything new. I have tried so many ways to incorporate music into my life while still making ends meet but I have yet to figure out how to do something that pays the bills while still having time/energy left over for music. Over the years, my thought process has been: start a business using my unique skills, put in the work until eventually it can continue without me by hiring additional help. I thought this would be true of the awesome vegan restaurant that Josh and I created and built up over the last few years but I was never able to step back and get any of my time back. I'm in the process of trying again with the current business but we will see. I'm often frustrated that none of the things I'm "good at" or "known for" are things I'm able to support myself with. The inability to create music has been my main source of depression over the years. I just can't figure out how to make things work in my favor.  I have to, though.
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*original 2010 Post*




This song is dedicated to my three year old son, Jaden whom I love more than life itself.

Track 4 Pretty Girls Make Graves (take 2)

2020
Early on, I did a lot of doot doot sounds to create rhythms but I knew it was only a matter of time before I needed to do something else. I like listening back to see how my mind came up with new creative solutions to make each song unique. In a way, it follows The Smiths (especially Johnny Marr's guitars!) journey of expanding creativity as well. However, I like the haunting quality of this- especially the totally different chord structure at the end. Fun fact: that ending caught me off guard today as I was listening to write this post. I had honestly forgotten how my version went. Once I had finished the entire project in 2010, I completely put it out of my mind to get some much needed space from the all-consuming 1300-hour project. It took me several years to be able to listen to The Smiths again without hearing my versions layered on top. Now I'm back to thinking of great high school memories when I listen to them and it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Of all 71 tracks, this is the only original file that somehow got deleted- both the original single voice version and the multilayered one. When the project was remastered in 2011, we had to just clean up the audio file that already had all the vocal layers flattened into one stereo track.



2010 Original Post
As promised, here's the new and improved version with about 10 more layers of voice than the original. I did my best to include more of the guitar element to the music and I'm pleased with how it turned out. It's probably the most rhythmic of my vocal pieces to date!

(btw, I seem to be having volume issues but hopefully the levels aren't too low for everyone else...)

Miserable Lie (take 2)

2020
This was the last of the original single-track vocals that were replaced by the layered versions. From this point forward, all songs were created with the idea of layering. This also marks the first track that included beatboxing! I had never attempted drum sounds and I hid them in the background just in case people laughed. It may seem like a small thing, but I felt selfconcious trying to make drum noises and it really took some courage to post this. Comfort zone be damned!

The inspiration for Miserable Lie was the sparse, dark feel of Pipeline by Depeche Mode The overall dirge feel of the bass notes sliding into position was a direct nod. The high ooooo in the background at 1:20 and again at 2:06 was a slowed-down version of the main Pipeline melody. I love easter eggs but I think this was one that absolutely nobody figured out!

**2010 original post**
This is more of a departure from the original song and I'm pleased with how it turned out. First off, let me just say this: I am not a beatboxer nor have I ever played one on TV, ok Rahzel? I find that adding drums really gives me more options to take the music in different directions so this probably won't be the last you hear of them. I have 70-ish songs to go so it's time to start getting creative!

Also, my version is a bit darker than the original. I wanted it to have some anger and despair to match the lyrics so I said to myself, WWMGD?* Oh! and extra credit points to the first person who can name the Depeche Mode song I borrowed a melody from.


* What Would Martin Gore Do